Is it Tuesday today?

Ok, things are back to normal. Well, back to the relative normality that is backpacking. I am booked into a hotel that is gorgeous (swimming pool, leafy gardens, restaurant) though the room is nothing special. And it’s a touch expensive. I must find someone to share my room with to halve the cost!

Today I managed to get up after very little sleep, make my lesson on time (ish), drink enough chai to wake me up and actually have a very satisfying three hours or so of singing and tabla. I am starting to get the hang of those pesky little drums.

And when my time was up, I stood up, said I had to meet friends and left. Tina’s mother, Rimla, looked quite upset that I wasn’t staying to eat the horrific food she had no doubt carefully prepared for my arrival. But I am going to have to make a point of not eating anything there. This will increase my chances of never having to poo there. Which is no bad thing. In fact it is a really good thing.

I like it this way. You pays your money, you gets your service, you leave and you have the rest of the day to go swimming with an English girl and an Irish girl you met over breakfast. Aaah, that’s more like it.

It wasn’t a lie about meeting friends. I was supposed to be meeting a couple of travellers I met last night. But they had already disappeared before I returned. They comprised an Israeli girl called Noa with a startling resemblance to Angelina Jolie and an English guy called Duncan who has a startling resemblance to countless rock drummers. He is tall, slim, tanned and with arse-length blond hair. Very nice guy. He sells jewelry at Glastonbury et al and makes enough to keep travelling. Fair play to the dude. And he is a writer so we had plenty to chat about.

A delightful meal was enjoyed and I spent part of the evening serenading them rather unsuccessfully. We were directly outside someone’s room, and next to some very loud construction work. The girl who’s room we were outside came out and with as much bleary in her eyes and as much deadpan irritation in her voice, she simply said, “Can you stop talking. Please. And singing.” And with that, she was gone.

Of all the people I've met so far, she was my favourite. Definitely.

Anyway, I have a sneaking suspicion that the odd couple were trying to groom me for some kind of three way gravity-redefining-ultra-sex-bum-orgy.

I left before we collectively reached seventh base.

That last line is a lie ( /joke). But Noa did keep making ridiculously suggestive analogies. E.g. “I am a very demanding person. But I take demands very well. I like to be able to receive as well I as give.” Things like that. Oh and she kept saying that I should stay longer, despite the fact that it was very late and everyone kept yawning etc. Lady, are you with this dude or what?

Yes, it seems.

Today I met a girl from New Zealand in the pool, and she gave me the same surprised look when I told her I had five months in India, and was spending a month in one place. I mean I know it’s statistically a bit unusual, but I don’t quite see why people have such a problem with it. After contemplation she decided that it was good that I would have “something to take home with me”. This attitude I encounter a lot. Things must be quantified and every minute accounted for. Oh, I can’t quite express what I am trying to say. I think I just lose patience with travellers very quickly if they give me slightest hint of a patronising tone when I tell them how long I have ‘been in India’.

And they try giving me hints about how to haggle. Dude, I am expert. As we stopped a rickshaw to take us back into town, she was all arguing with the guy about price when he quoted us an inflated amount. It is pretty straightforward. Laugh in their face and walk away. If that doesn’t get you the price you want, you go to the next one three feet away!

It’s occurred to me that I spend much time on here describing how I am becoming a ruthless, cold bastard. This is most certainly not the case. I am just learning how to deal with people who think it is acceptable to rip off and hassle white people. All the time. I am fighting a good battle on behalf of the oppressed and struggling whites in this strange land.

Brothers, I’m doing it for you.

I’m so bourgeois.

The English/Irish duo were nice. They are in Jaipur to ‘work’ at a school for children with mental and physical handicaps.

I say ‘work’ because they have already admitted that they don’t actually do anything except supervise, and that they are already trying to find ways of getting out of the few days left that they have committed to. Well, fair play. They are doing something good I suppose. The more I think about my chugging job, charity in general and people doing voluntary work abroad for a couple of weeks, the more I feel quite disillusioned with the whole thing.

Surely, instead of letting posh white people swan over to ease their consciences by building schools and supervising kids – it might be better to actually pass on useful skills to people who actually live in this country. You know, have some teachers to put in those schools. You know, ones who are educated and know how to teach. And, you know, might stay for more than a week because Nepal isn’t ‘calling them’.

I know, wacky shit.

Oh what am I saying, it all helps I guess. I just feel that somewhere like India perhaps doesn’t need to rely on foreign charity. Maybe bit-part aid work from well-meaning young adults who perhaps can’t actually offer anything useful except ‘good vibes’ is more damaging than helpful to these projects. Surely troubled children need some stability.

Ok, I’ll just tip me head, shuffle off my high horse and say something rude.

Balls.

There, that’s better. I bet we all feel a touch warmer inside.

Oh, and by the way, whoever has the ‘no cut’ ticket on the sweepstake is one lucky mo fo. The hair goes from strength to strength; each couple of days being firmed up and given defining body by my luxury Pantene Pro V Defining Curls Conditioner.

Oh yeah.
Until the next time.

Peace y’all.

Oh and thanks for all your emails. Apologies if I haven't replied yet, or have completely forgotten at some stage. It happens. You probably wouldn't understand. You haven't been here man. (Wink)