Splurge

It's been an interesting few days.

What I have been noticing more and more in this infinitely strange and beautiful place is how India is affecting people. It's taken a while to sink in but looking back over the months I've spent here - how I've changed and how so many people I've spoken to have changed - it really is powerful. I guess I can use the example of musicians as they are the people I can see this most clearly. But the same story - 'I used to be ok on the guitar, and now I'm fucking amazing and want to be a musician.' And what happened? India! Or in some cases, Hampi.

Hampi has strange energies. It is a music place. It is an inspiring place. People get excited here. They work. I've been working a lot. But I've also been not working - I've been existing. I did yoga yesterday with an Israeli friend, Rotem. Maybe I need to tell you a little about this guy. We seem to leading parallel lives.

Most obviously is the fact that Gili, my long-lost, partly-forgotten lover from days gone Rishikesh became Rotem's bit of lovely stuff soon after she left me. Plus we both have curly hair. Plus we both play and sing. We're both skinny. We both spend too long thinking about girls. Well, we seem to have the same taste in girls. We get on well - we are very close but the relationship is sometimes uncomfortable. We have history, clearly, and the story I'm about to tell made things a little fraught for a couple of days.

The other night I sat in our restaurant gazing into the eyes of (sigh, another) ridiculously exotic Israeli girl. Rotem had already made it clear that he was trying it on so I felt that I wouldn't bother. I mean, she was my favourite - long thick, shiny black hair down to her lower back, dark skin (almost Brazilian looking) and a body cruelly invented by the world to drive me insane. But, as I said, I don't give a fuck anymore. There's so many. I'm a singer. I can relax. No point getting silly over just one obscenely attractive specimen.

Anyway, she's called Shani and she rose to go to the toilet at some point during the evening. She said, playfully, "I'm going to the toilet. If anyone needs to join me, they're welcome." Genuinely I needed to piss, so I got up. In the few steps it took to get into darkness on the way to the toilet, she turned, caught me with her eyes and urgently kissed me. I felt relieved. And then I went for a piss. And then I kissed her some more. Then we went for a walk, and by the time we came back, Rotem and everyone else (oops) had gone to bed. It probably looked like it was planned. God's plan perhaps. Hehe.

Later I asked her why she kissed me - she said it was because I didn't look like I was going to try to kiss her and it turned her on. I really should pay attention to this.

I'm not in love with this girl. But I am more than keen to do bad, grown up things with/to her. She just won't let me. Maybe it's because she knows I want to, and that doesn't turn her on. I dunno.

Ok, so Rotem was pissed for a couple of days. He got over it. He tries it on with everyone, I wasn't going to feel guilty.

But what I am enjoying about this situation is that Shani is playing with me. She is. She's enjoying the attention I give her. Each night before she goes to bed, I walk her to her hut and she tells me how she doesn't want anything to happen - that she thinks it's a bad idea because we are parting ways soon etc. And each night I am just given a challenge. I talk and talk. I have said things to this woman that I have never said before. And my god I need to say these things. I am being honest with her (whilst simulataneously trying to be as smooth and cute as possible). It's a tightrope act and one I always previously spoiled with English awkwardness and pathetic jokes. She's allowing me to be a man. It's nice. I feel alive!

So each night I manage to turn her round with words and we kiss and I feel like Wayne and Garth as they dance down the street singing "We got five thousand dollars, we got five thousand dollars."

So I'm leaving Hampi soon. Things change.

In a few days I will be getting a flight to Colombo, Sri Lanka. I'll spend maybe a week there or around there and then get a flight back to India. And when I return I will be going to Kodaikanal (umm, spelling could be wrong there) in the South to share a house with some of the friends I've made here. It's another mountain place and apprarently very beautiful.

I could have cut ties, gone to Nepal and started again, but I know I can do that. I feel like developing friendships. It's more rewarding for me at the moment. Small talk bores me. Intimacy is more interesting. Plus Shani is planning to be there...ahh, we'll see.

It's all perfect all the time. One Israeli friend spoke to me about this the other night. It's all perfect all the time. Nothing is wrong. There are no bad decisions. Don't worry about the narrative of your life. Don't feel like you're late for something. Don't worry because at every opportunity we are perfect. Nothing is wrong. Problems and stress are worry for the future. Just be in the moment, give love to all those around you wherever possible and bless every situation.

This guy is something special.

Shit I sound like I've found myself don't I.

I'd love to tell you more but I need to get off the internet, I have a date with my friends as it's our last day here. Apologies to anyone expecting emails.