Rainy day women

It's raining today so I will impart some knowledge I gained yesterday.

I heard that in certain parts of India that border Pakistan there are daily public shouting matches between each country. They line up in some appropriate large public place and shout abuse at each other:

“Pakistan is gay!” [In Hindi, obviously]
“But India is dirty!
“But Pakistan is rubbish!”
“Yer mum!”

And so on.

Apparently seating is arranged for tourists who wish to watch the spectacle and make some noise. How much fun does that sound.

I wonder if they have a vote at the end of each session with spectators asked to decide ‘who won.’

Two nights ago I met a lovely American trio in a restaurant who provided much entertainment. I played music that night and I discovered (I could smell them out) that they had a comparable taste in music. They were humming Grandaddy songs and picking out obscure remixes. I took a walk with Michael, a young, bearded, country musician who plays in Nashville, to collect my guitar. Very nice man. I serenaded them with songs by Pavement, Dismemberment Plan, Bonnie Prince Billy and me. It’s good occasionally to have a target audience to play for. No one else in the restaurant will even recognise a single song all night. Ha!

I spent yesterday with them, just sitting in restaurants, avoiding the rain, playing my carimba and talking nonsense.

They informed me of an American educational technique to avoid drugs:

The Eight Ways to Say No!

It was hilariously told. Here’s the dry internet version


1. Saying “No Thanks”
Q: “Would you like a drink?”
A: “No Thanks”
 
2. Giving a reason or excuse.
Q: “Would you like a beer?”
A: “No thanks. I don’t drink beer.”
 
3. Repeat refusal, or keep saying no.
    (Broken Record)
Q: “Would you like a hit of marijuana?”
A: “No.”
Q: “Come on!”
A: “No.”
Q: “Just try it!”
A: “No.”
 
4. Walking away
Q: “I have some cigarettes. Do you want one?”
A: Say no and walk away while saying it.
 
5. Changing the subject
Q: “Lets smoke some marijuana.”
A: “No. Let’s watch my new video instead.”

6. Avoid the situation
If you know of places where people often use drugs, stay away from those places. If you pass those places on the way home, go another way.

7. Cold shoulder
Q: “Hey! Do you want to smoke?”
A:  Just ignore the person.

8. Strength in numbers
Hang around with non-users, especially where drug use is expected.

Well. I hope you enjoyed that. If only every encounter with peers was a question and answer ceremony. It would make things a lot simpler I think. Actually, it’s the same technique Indian men often use for white women:

Q: “Hey! Very nice! Fuck me?”
A: Look impressed and remove clothes.

It also occurred to me that if you had tried methods one to seven for avoiding drugs and had thus far failed to resist the dasdardly pressure that yours friends can inflict upon you, it would seem pointless continuing to employ the government's methods. Number eight is for sure a lost cause.

During my web research, I discovered that eight is a popular number for finding ways to improve or avoid things.

The eight ways to handle impulsivity
The eight ways to keep your prostate healthy
The eight ways to beat Walmart and Capitalism
The eight ways to win an argument
And my favourite:
The eight ways to say you

I also found a McSweeny’s pisstake about eight ways not to get hit in the face with a brick.

Last night I was booked at the Big Fish restaurant in Vashisht. I turned up to find Axle, the French girl who runs the show, struggling with equipment for what seemed like an hour or two. A large crowd had gathered and people were visibly uncomfortable due to the ominous silence that a despairing guitar-glad person creates. Eventually she was able to get playing with her team and we were treated to some extended looped guitar, tabla and flute jams. Mmm.

It was quite late before I managed to wrestle the stage from Axle but I had an enjoyable set. Various of my own songs, a couple of covers and a bit of loop guitar pedal and singing improvisation.

After this, Effie dragged me to Manali to go ‘clubbing’. The inverted commas are necessary in India. It doesn’t really exist. We’d been given a ‘flyer’ for this ‘weekly’ ‘do’ and somehow she persuaded my exhausted self to go dancing for a bit, miles away. We shared a taxi to Manali town center, with full power Hindi pop music rolling for the whole ride. We asked to be taken to the 'party'. We were driven to a deserted, dark part of town neither of us recognized and shown to the ‘discotheque’. A large white building, with large white shutters, fully closed. Not a difficult decision to get back in the taxi and go home. We had full power Hindi pop power on the way back too. It was almost worth the fare.