England and other problems

Here I am, safely back in the land of the opinion. The land of the discussion and the culture. The land of the endless series of distractions.

Here I am, trawling through internet reviews of shows I’ve never seen. Reading news about things I can’t conceive of. Looking at pictures of Israeli soldiers (you know, real people with hearts) playing with Lebanese children and helping old people. And smiling.

Here I am, reading comments from anonymous message-leavers and wondering how best to encapsulate the utter existential despair that the modern world creates.

Here, made to feel aware of everything and made to feel that everything is important, everything fighting for my attention, advertisements carving a banal, bored Eden of reality. The news driving on the general narrative of the world: "things are getting really bad! Oh and now maybe things are getting a bit better! Oh no, they’re bad again!"

Well yes, when it comes to war, the world is always fucked. Phallocentric ego-comprised males battle it out for cocksize on a global table. And everyone gets their rulers out.

And apparently, as an English citizen, I am represented by my government. Their decisions are a direct reflection of the English will and mentality. Is this still true? Didn’t this heroic idea die a long time ago? That ‘We the People’ can change the tide of money and power? Of course the people of England, of the world, don’t want our planet to be completely saturated of natural resources and beauty. We don’t want the world to heat up and we don’t all want to die of cancer and we don’t want to pick on small countries and rape them of their minerals and cultures in the name of liberation and other such bullshit. But, it seems, money wants this. Power wants this. And money and power are above politics. Politics is the administrative smokescreen that makes us think that if we spend our lives filling in forms and petitions and texting our opinions about the fact that we think Tony Bush is a dick and that Israel and Lebanon should put away their toys, anyone will give a leftover bit of a shit.

The world is run by stupid white men. Michael Moore pointed it out so simply, and it is a very valid point. Stupid men with ego and money and history on their shoulders. A history of mistakes to be made again and again and again. Because what’s the alternative? Do something new? Something peaceful? Doing something new requires being an outcast and a revolutionary and a weirdo and a freak and probably involves accusations of kiddie fiddling and another ruined political career for trying to make a difference.

You all wanna get into politics? It’s a fucking mug’s game, and you know it.

So what’s my solution? What’s my alternative? Me? You’re asking me? What the FUCK do I know? I dunno! I’ve no idea how mankind managed to ruin this planet so catastrophically and kill so many innocent people along the way. But, what can I say? It seems to be our human nature. We really like killing each other. We like making official announcements that a whole bunch of people just basically need to die.

So yes, each time some new idiot repeats the well-trodden path of humanity and tries to kill a bunch of people in the name of something else, we can march and protest and point to holocausts past and present, but essentially money, power and dicksize has an irreplaceable part to play in his motivation. You think that shouting about it is gonna help? I guess it might make you feel more important for a few minutes. It might ease your conscience. But this too is ego.

Deep breath, quick break, sip of coffee.

So I don’t have the solution, but I have my own way. To improve myself. I can say this without demanding it upon others, without pointing a doctrine or a gun in your face and make you agree with me. But all I can do is change myself. I can’t change the world.

I can meditate. I can become more aware of myself. I can become more free and loving and compassionate with others. And for sure I will offend people and make mistakes along the way. That’s life.

But I believe that if everyone were concerned with themselves and making their reality and their immediate others happy - God is in the small things - then the world would be a better place. It would happen automatically. Perhaps you will think this is egotistical, perhaps you will think this means I don’t care what is going on in the world. Perhaps you think it's hippy bullshit. Well that’s fine. You think what you like. I’ll do my thing. And I guess what this post proves is how easily I am dragged back into the debate. The forming of opinions. The confused rants. The taking of sides.

What does it actually achieve if I stop buying Karmel fruit produced in Israel? Does it really help the war effort if I show my support for Lebanon by dumping my Israeli girlfriend?

It’s a fairly old proverb: two wrongs don’t make a right. Will my negative actions bring a positive outcome? The clue’s in the question.

So I am plugged right back in. The world’s media and its friends (er, my friends, my family) have dragged me right back into the sorry debates and the arguments and the sarcasm and the jokes. Argue you may that my voice counts for something. But I also happen to believe that my life counts for something and so does yours. Enjoy it, it’s the only one that you’ve (conceivably) got.

Now excuse me while I go try make decisions about my future.