Rangy Manatee

You know that Carling advert with the really catchy theme tune, where the ball goes out into the road and all the topless men play footy around the street? I have a theory about that ad (bearing in mind I have just been studying film theory.)

It's clearly aimed at men. It's a footy advert, advertised during the footy season, with fat men playing footy. But, if I were to analyse the advert (which I think I just may) I would say it goes to great lengths not to alienate a female audience, where it would be so easy to do just that.

At one point the ball goes into an open window and an attractive blonde girl throws it back out. Now, if this was an entirely 'blokes' ad, the shot would have started at chest height to make sure we got a good gander at her cleavage and then moved its way up to her face. But no, we see her from afar, and even then only for a split second. She may be topless and wearing only a bra but then all the men are topless (equality you see!). Also she may be an attractive blonde but that is only hinted at as we don't even get a good look at her. Who knows, perhaps she is (as the film 'Clueless' would say) a Picasso - great from a distance but up close, a real mess. Although I have it on good authority she's a beaut.

Who says being a liberal isn't fun?

Maybe The Sun newspaper, instead of the gaudy page 3 should have a blurry photo, shot at a distance, of what looks like a woman, who could be attractive and who may or may not be topless. This might not alienate a female readership, and promote gender harmony. Though thinking about it, it's just a bit creepy and only promotes voyeurism which is already promoted in our weird society. And besides, they tend to have photos like that on pages 1-2 and 4-35 of famous men and women either sunbathing or buying milk. It's a good job I'm not in charge.