Big Balls

Been faffing about today. Ran errands. Food shopped. Paid bills. Cleaned the bathroom. Had a lieu day, you see, and I decided not to spend all of it cleaning the loo just for the sake of a weak pun over dinner.

I read today that Big Issue vendors were subjected to violent attacks because the magazine that they sell had an advert by a company that does testing on animals! Christ, that’s like bottling a bouncer because he works for a venue that condones the sale of class A drugs to pregnant school girls. It’s political correctness GONE MAD!

Seriously (ish) though, I saw the ad – it reads “The miracles of medicine! Be part of it…call for more information and receive an average of £100 a day at Covance CRU Leeds.”

Now if that doesn’t make your blood boil! Using the word “miracle” in a mildly hyperbolic fashion? Shit. Leeds? Gay. A hundred quid? Should be two hundred mate.

Ok, I guess it wasn’t the advert itself that made these “animal rights terrorists” write numerous emails to the Big Issue saying (and this is a direct quote) “May all the homeless rot in hell while you advertise jobs to put innocent animals through a life of hell!”

Man this is so mixed up, it’s hard to know where to start. Ok, well, firstly, right, umm…ok, good, now, umm – shit.

Try again.

Rot in hell? Wha? Why? Because they are homeless and vulnerable? Yes, damn their redeemable souls! How dare they neglect to research every company that chooses to advertise in the magazine that THEY SELL! It is utterly preposterous! I mean, if they make 60p per issue they should at least have a working knowledge of the ethical practices of every record company, travel agency and music promoter who places an advert in their pages. In fact, that’s probably quite a good idea – it might help them get a significantly higher-paid job.

What experience do you have?

"Mostly receiving abuse while standing on a street corner with a dog. However, I do have an in-depth, working knowledge of Island Records, CAMRA, STA travel, GSK and OMAX the vaginal masseur company. But apart from that, just the bum gig really. Yeah.”